When Forgiveness Seems Impossible: What Does it Take to Truly Forgive?

Are you ready to finally let go of the past and really forgive?

You may have already trawled through the internet looking for advice or talked to all your successful friends for help, but I hope to add a new perspective on what it takes to truly achieve forgiveness.

Many people believe that forgiveness is a feeling, but that may be hindering your progress. Others may think that forgiving others is optional in the life of a Christian. They couldn’t be more wrong. 

If you're struggling with unforgiveness and how to forgive, this is the place for you.

Ready to dive into a behind-the-scenes look at what goes into forgiveness?

Let's look at what it takes to forgive, for real. #forgivingforreal

Jesus prays in Luke 11:4:

Forgive our sins as we ourselves release forgiveness to those who have wronged us. (TPT).

So, why is forgiveness important?

Matthew 6: 14 - 15 states,

14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Ouch. This is a tough pill to swallow because it means that your forgiveness (the forgiveness you want)  depends, well, on your forgiveness (the forgiveness you give)!

If you've been having a hard time forgiving, remember the aforementioned biblical principle. You may want to start by remembering that your very own forgiveness hinges on it.

Ask yourself, “Who has caused me not to forgive? Also, ask yourself, “ Who reaps the effects from me not being forgiving?”

It seems like the answer to the first question is the name of the person or situation that offended you, but the answer to both questions is, you. 

Why is forgiveness so hard?

If this is something that has been really difficult and hard for you, I understand - being hurt and offended by someone is not on our to-do or bucket lists.

With the following steps, we can say that we are getting closer to forgiveness, and my routine directly influences my ability to trust God at His word.

My forgiveness exercise looks something like this

• Step One: Acknowledge the offense

• Step Two: Choose to forgive

• Step Three: Trust and Give it to God 

Acknowledge, choose, trust - or the acronym A.C.T.! Not an "A.C.T." in the sense of not being real or being fake. But "A.C.T." as in the root of the word action - there are steps and actions I must take!

Scripture says, 

Then said he unto the disciples, it is impossible but that offenses will come, but woe unto him, through whom they come! Luke 17:1

It still surprises me how shocked I am when an offense comes. I think, “The audacity of these people!”  I don’t walk around expecting to be offended, but when it shows up, I feel blindsided. However, scripture shows us that offenses are almost guaranteed. 

Don't just brush it off, acknowledge the offense happened. Give credence to how you feel. Don't be led by how you feel but acknowledge your feelings. Sometimes it helps to write everything out. It'll surprise you how many details you've been holding on to about a situation. You may be more surprised about how good it feels just to get it out.

It is inevitable to be offended; however, don’t worry about exacting revenge on the one through whom the offense came. God will take care of that part. 

As stated above, forgiveness is not a feeling. It is something we decide. It’s a choice - one we choose to make every time the event comes back to our minds and brings sadness, depression, anger and any other negative feelings.

Every time an aught comes to your mind, remind yourself of your choice and don’t give in to the replaying of the situation. When the movie of unforgiveness starts to play, push the stop button on the remote of your mind.

After getting over the shock of it and making the choice to forgive, pray. You can use the prayer below as a template. 

Lord, thank you for helping me to choose to forgive. Moving forward, I refuse to let these thoughts play out repeatedly in my mind. I bind these destructive thoughts and come out of agreement with them. I ask for your peace and choose to walk daily in forgiveness towards. _____________. In Jesus’ Name amen. 

How is your current way of handling offense serving you and helping you grow in your Christian walk?

Don't be afraid to change it up, get rid of parts that don't work for you, and evict unforgiveness altogether. 

All these steps will work together to ensure you have what it takes to forgive. 

If you would like a FREE workbook to help you process your thoughts and feelings on your forgiveness journey, just provide your email below!

This INTERACTIVE E-book is versatile, so you can:

• Print it out

  -or-

• Type directly in it on your

  • phone

  • tablet

  • laptop or PC

I like to shake it up with info from all over the web. One of the pastors who is very transparent about forgiving someone who did something that many feel is unforgivable, is Pastor Joyce Meyers and she has some critical advice for you. She says:

Now I realize that I'm helping myself when I choose to forgive. I'm happier and feel better physically when I'm not filled with the poison of unforgiveness.

For more great tips like this, check out her website here.

It’s poisonous indeed. According to the American Psychological Society, (the researcher, Toussaint, followed participants for five weeks and measured how their levels of forgiveness ebbed and flowed. He found that when forgiveness rose, levels of stress went down. Reduced stress, in turn, led to a decrease in mental health symptoms ( Annals of Behavioral Medicine , 2016).

You can read more about this study here. 

Your great-grandma means well when she says, forgive and forget, but the truth is you may have chosen to forgive but still remember the situation.

Instead, look to God’s word for guidance.

When you're running out of steam working on trying to forgive others, let this quote from Colossians 3 encourage you.

13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. - Colossians 3:13

Now, just because you currently don't feel like you want to forgive those who have offended you doesn't mean you can't forgive. Why?

To err is human, to forgive is divine

Let’s look at Galatians 5 which states:

19. Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness 20. Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, 20.envying, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such the like; of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

Now those scriptures didn’t say unforgiveness, but we can infer that when unforgiveness lingers it can cause hatred, wrath, strife, and envy - all listed above. Those elements alone are means for heavenly disqualification. Can you imagine, wanting to get to heaven and unforgiveness bars you?

Not only will you disqualify your heavenly trip in the after-life, you will not have peace while you are still here and these are the fruits of the spirit you want to eat:

22.The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance. 

Why is this important? It’s important to forgive because it helps your physical body as well. 

"There's nothing wrong with healthy anger, but when anger is very deep and long lasting, it can do a number on us systemically," he says. "When you get rid of anger, your muscles relax, you're less anxious, you have more energy, your immune system can strengthen." (APA, Weir/Enright)

So, of course, you can do what you want to do, but remember you may forfeit your earthly peace and your heavenly call.

This means you need to make the choice to forgive. Remember, without it you can’t be forgiven. ,but I believe in you, I know you can do it, and I am praying for you. 

Let's be specific in planning how you will gain the ability to understand how forgiveness works:

• Step One: Acknowledge  

• Step Two: Choose

• Step Three: Trust

Because I know how important forgiveness is, I put together this free (really free!) guide for you. Use it to forgive and experience freedom.

Click here to download the "Forgiveness Guide" for FREE

This INTERACTIVE E-book is made for your convenience, so you can:

• Print it out

  -or-

• Type directly in it using your -

  • phone

  • tablet

  • laptop or PC
    
    

We’ve learned how to acknowledge our offenses, choose to forgive, and trust God.

Did you follow all three steps from this post? 

If so, you are well on your way to forgiving others!

Remember, you can download my e-book to help you forgive yourself, God, or others above.

I hope this post has been helpful!

Any questions? Shoot me a DM on social media @theauthor'spurpose.

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